conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-26 12:59 am

(no subject)

Dear Carolyn: My daughter got married a year ago. It was an immediate-family-only affair, which is how she wanted it, since even then the guest list was over 100 people. Many of my friends did send my daughter a gift anyway — not a huge gift, but at least a nice acknowledgment and gift card, and it was so thoughtful. I’m disappointed in two very close friends who didn’t do anything and am having trouble getting over it. I have sent very generous gifts to their kids. One of the weddings we couldn’t attend and the other we did. They contributed $35 to a shower gift.

I know it isn’t a tit-for-tat thing and I know the rule of thumb is that if you aren’t invited, then you aren’t required to send a gift, but — they’ve known my daughter forever. And having given their kids really nice gifts, I would have expected them to do something. What do you think?

— Disappointed


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Denise ([staff profile] denise) wrote in [site community profile] dw_news2025-08-26 12:24 am

Mississippi legal challenge: beginning 1 September, we will need to geoblock Mississippi IPs

I'll start with the tl;dr summary to make sure everyone sees it and then explain further: As of September 1, we will temporarily be forced to block access to Dreamwidth from all IP addresses that geolocate to Mississippi for legal reasons. This block will need to continue until we either win the legal case entirely, or the district court issues another injunction preventing Mississippi from enforcing their social media age verification and parental consent law against us.

Mississippi residents, we are so, so sorry. We really don't want to do this, but the legal fight we and Netchoice have been fighting for you had a temporary setback last week. We genuinely and honestly believe that we're going to win it in the end, but the Fifth Circuit appellate court said that the district judge was wrong to issue the preliminary injunction back in June that would have maintained the status quo and prevented the state from enforcing the law requiring any social media website (which is very broadly defined, and which we definitely qualify as) to deanonymize and age-verify all users and obtain parental permission from the parent of anyone under 18 who wants to open an account.

Netchoice took that appellate ruling up to the Supreme Court, who declined to overrule the Fifth Circuit with no explanation -- except for Justice Kavanaugh agreeing that we are likely to win the fight in the end, but saying that it's no big deal to let the state enforce the law in the meantime.

Needless to say, it's a big deal to let the state enforce the law in the meantime. The Mississippi law is a breathtaking state overreach: it forces us to verify the identity and age of every person who accesses Dreamwidth from the state of Mississippi and determine who's under the age of 18 by collecting identity documents, to save that highly personal and sensitive information, and then to obtain a permission slip from those users' parents to allow them to finish creating an account. It also forces us to change our moderation policies and stop anyone under 18 from accessing a wide variety of legal and beneficial speech because the state of Mississippi doesn't like it -- which, given the way Dreamwidth works, would mean blocking people from talking about those things at all. (And if you think you know exactly what kind of content the state of Mississippi doesn't like, you're absolutely right.)

Needless to say, we don't want to do that, either. Even if we wanted to, though, we can't: the resources it would take for us to build the systems that would let us do it are well beyond our capacity. You can read the sworn declaration I provided to the court for some examples of how unworkable these requirements are in practice. (That isn't even everything! The lawyers gave me a page limit!)

Unfortunately, the penalties for failing to comply with the Mississippi law are incredibly steep: fines of $10,000 per user from Mississippi who we don't have identity documents verifying age for, per incident -- which means every time someone from Mississippi loaded Dreamwidth, we'd potentially owe Mississippi $10,000. Even a single $10,000 fine would be rough for us, but the per-user, per-incident nature of the actual fine structure is an existential threat. And because we're part of the organization suing Mississippi over it, and were explicitly named in the now-overturned preliminary injunction, we think the risk of the state deciding to engage in retaliatory prosecution while the full legal challenge continues to work its way through the courts is a lot higher than we're comfortable with. Mississippi has been itching to issue those fines for a while, and while normally we wouldn't worry much because we're a small and obscure site, the fact that we've been yelling at them in court about the law being unconstitutional means the chance of them lumping us in with the big social media giants and trying to fine us is just too high for us to want to risk it. (The excellent lawyers we've been working with are Netchoice's lawyers, not ours!)

All of this means we've made the extremely painful decision that our only possible option for the time being is to block Mississippi IP addresses from accessing Dreamwidth, until we win the case. (And I repeat: I am absolutely incredibly confident we'll win the case. And apparently Justice Kavanaugh agrees!) I repeat: I am so, so sorry. This is the last thing we wanted to do, and I've been fighting my ass off for the last three years to prevent it. But, as everyone who follows the legal system knows, the Fifth Circuit is gonna do what it's gonna do, whether or not what they want to do has any relationship to the actual law.

We don't collect geolocation information ourselves, and we have no idea which of our users are residents of Mississippi. (We also don't want to know that, unless you choose to tell us.) Because of that, and because access to highly accurate geolocation databases is extremely expensive, our only option is to use our network provider's geolocation-based blocking to prevent connections from IP addresses they identify as being from Mississippi from even reaching Dreamwidth in the first place. I have no idea how accurate their geolocation is, and it's possible that some people not in Mississippi might also be affected by this block. (The inaccuracy of geolocation is only, like, the 27th most important reason on the list of "why this law is practically impossible for any site to comply with, much less a tiny site like us".)

If your IP address is identified as coming from Mississippi, beginning on September 1, you'll see a shorter, simpler version of this message and be unable to proceed to the site itself. If you would otherwise be affected, but you have a VPN or proxy service that masks your IP address and changes where your connection appears to come from, you won't get the block message, and you can keep using Dreamwidth the way you usually would.

On a completely unrelated note while I have you all here, have I mentioned lately that I really like ProtonVPN's service, privacy practices, and pricing? They also have a free tier available that, although limited to one device, has no ads or data caps and doesn't log your activity, unlike most of the free VPN services out there. VPNs are an excellent privacy and security tool that every user of the internet should be familiar with! We aren't affiliated with Proton and we don't get any kickbacks if you sign up with them, but I'm a satisfied customer and I wanted to take this chance to let you know that.

Again, we're so incredibly sorry to have to make this announcement, and I personally promise you that I will continue to fight this law, and all of the others like it that various states are passing, with every inch of the New Jersey-bred stubborn fightiness you've come to know and love over the last 16 years. The instant we think it's less legally risky for us to allow connections from Mississippi IP addresses, we'll undo the block and let you know.

minoanmiss: Minoan statuette detail (of a buxom Minoan lady) (Statuette Boobsy)
minoanmiss ([personal profile] minoanmiss) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-22 10:54 am
Entry tags:

Ask A Manager: fighting to be the only woman in the firefighter calendar

this one is currently active but I HAD to bring it here. Content advisory: nudity Read more... )
anais_pf: (Default)
anais_pf ([personal profile] anais_pf) wrote in [community profile] thefridayfive2025-08-21 02:12 pm

The Friday Five for 22 August 2025

This week's questions were suggested by [livejournal.com profile] canuckfetish

1. Have you ever stayed in a hostel? If so, where? Did you like it? If you haven't stayed in a hostel, would you?

2. What is your favo(u)rite airport that you've been to? Why?

3. What is the best museum you have visited on vacation?

4. Have you ever made friends while traveling whom you keep in touch with on a regular basis?

5. Have you ever had a conversation with a seatmate on a plane?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!
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Rascal ([personal profile] gimmighoulcoins) wrote in [community profile] fictional_fans2025-08-19 05:33 am
Entry tags:

[community profile] 1character: a character-focused writing comm

the banner has the image of a blank notebook and a pencil on a white background, with a bullet point list that reads: Pick a character. Pick a theme set. Write 50 one-sentence fic. The title of the community, 1character, is displayed under the list.

Description: Pick one character as your focus in this fic writing community in the style of [livejournal.com profile] 1sentence, choose from 1 of the 6 theme sets, and make your claim - then, write 50 one-sentence fic inspired by the prompts to share on the comm! This is an ongoing activity, open to writers for all fandoms, as well as original characters. Claims are good for three months, and you can get an extension of one month if needed.
Schedule: Ongoing
Links:
On Dreamwidth: [community profile] 1character
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-17 01:20 am

(no subject)

Dear Care and Feeding,

My mom lives several states away. We see her a couple times a year, but my children don’t know her well because of the distance. Meanwhile, my sister lives around the corner from her, so her kids have a completely different relationship with “Grandma” than mine do.

She recently visited us, and I needed her to pick my 8-year-old up from day camp. It would be just the two of them for a few hours before I got off work, something that hasn’t happened before—usually I’m around or my sister’s kids. Well, that day, my son did not have a good time at camp and apparently didn’t talk much after pickup. He was even quiet with me once we met up. My mom said that she had to spend all afternoon with my son, and he wouldn’t talk to her. We had planned to get ice cream together, but my mom asked me to drop her off at the house instead.

She later told me that my son needs to be taught how to respond to people. I have tried reading him books about interacting with people, I have role-played with him and read many articles on how to help him. I don’t know how to make my shy, sensitive child respond to people he is uncomfortable with. Do you have tips? How can I help my mom to have a better relationship with him?

—Grandma/Grandson Mediator


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conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-17 01:16 am

(no subject)

Dear Prudence,

My husband got totally hammered at my sister’s wedding and somehow ended up falling into the wedding cake. I reimbursed them for the cost of it and made my husband write a letter of apology, but they are still furious, as are more than a few family members. What can we do to mend fences?

—Cake Catastrophe


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conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-14 11:03 pm
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-14 08:38 pm

(no subject)

Dear Care and Feeding,

I’ve got a 14-year-old son and 9-year-old twin daughters. My son lives primarily with his mom, but has always spent plenty of time at my place, and the kids are all quite close. But there is a real problem with how he treats one of his sisters. The two of them share many traits and are quite similar in disposition, and when things are good, they have a very sweet relationship. They’ll go on walks together and chat and laugh the whole time. They also really enjoy play-fighting—e.g., hitting each other with foam swords. But at other times, my son will relentlessly pick at his sister, teasing her for things like not being as good at video games as he is, or questioning her abilities in other ways. It’s unkind, and although she sometimes claps back or does her best to ignore him, more often it sends her into a rage.

I’ve talked to him about it repeatedly (and yelled at him about it), and he has said he has trouble controlling himself. Maybe that sounds like a cop-out, but having observed it so many times, I believe him. It seems like an impulse-control thing, like the comments pop into his head and are out of his mouth before he can stop them. We have a good amount of neurodivergence in our family, and I strongly suspect that, like the sister in question, he’s got ADHD. I’ve wanted to get him assessed, but his mom—with whom I have a good relationship—is resistant, and he hasn’t had any issues in school yet that would offer more reason to push for it. I’ll tell him to knock it off and he’ll be chastened, but then 30 seconds later he’s picking on his sister again. What do you think I should be trying to do here? Yelling obviously isn’t the answer, and I can tell my son is feeling demoralized. I feel like this is about their similar personalities to some extent, because he doesn’t have the same issue with his other sister. But even if that’s the case, I want him to stop cutting his sister down, because she adores him and I’m pretty sure he actually adores her too.

—Bro, Chill


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anais_pf: (Default)
anais_pf ([personal profile] anais_pf) wrote in [community profile] thefridayfive2025-08-14 02:53 pm

The Friday Five for 15 August 2025

This week's questions were suggested by [livejournal.com profile] aforkintheroad

1. What is your favorite experience in your life so far?

2. What motivates you to keep going every day?

3. Where do you want to go in life? What do you want to accomplish?

4. Is there anything that you regret? Do you try to change it?

5. What is your most cherished gift you have received? Why do you cherish it so much?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!
minoanmiss: Detail of a Minoan statuette of a worshipping youth (Statuette Youth)
minoanmiss ([personal profile] minoanmiss) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-14 10:27 am